Recreation

The bombshells continue to stream out of Alaska.  Friday’s announcement that Sarah Palin would resign as governor of the 49th state was only the beginning.  Today, Palin ended speculation about her future plans.
“Abortions.  And lot’s of ‘em.”

Prior to today’s announcement, some pundits believed Palin was clearing her schedule in order to prepare for a 2012 run for the White House.

Celebrities from Abe Vigoda to Dakota Fanning have been put on notice. 

“It’s time to die.”

So said Death in an exclusive interview with the Brown Spot.

I sat down with Death this afternoon for drinks at Rockit.  Dressed in a black robe and carrying his trademark scythe, Death certainly stood out in the sea of suits and sundresses at the trendy River North watering hole.  I asked Him about the recent rash of celebrity deaths.

“It all started last week with Ed McMahon,” Death said.  “I was surprised by how much attention I got.”

From coast to coast, Americans are celebrating one of the greatest upsets in soccer history after the U.S. national team defeated the #1-ranked team in the world on Wednesday.

"We got Shaq!" Cleveland resident Jason Kaufmann said of the 2-0 victory over Spain.  "With LeBron and Shaq on the same team, the Cavs are a lock to win the NBA title next year."

Minneapolis native Jim Migely was equally excited as he discussed his newfound love of soccer.

"The Vikings are probably better off with Brett Favre," Migely said.  "But then again, he's 39.  It's a gamble, I guess."

Lovers of pop music and small children mourned the loss of their hero today when Michael Jackson, 50, passed away in Los Angeles.

"From "ABC" to "Man in the Mirror", I loved everything he did," said Omaha resident Eileen Corzine.

Art Tilson agreed.

"He built an amusement park on his compound just to attract little kids," the convicted pedophile marveled, "The man had talent."

The so-called "King of Pop" was rushed to UCLA Medical Center early Thursday afternoon and died shortly thereafter.

At an Indianapolis park, Erin Galvan remembered "Jacko."

President Obama continued his cross-country campaign to raise public support for his healthcare reform plan on Thursday, stopping in the small, southern California city of El Centro for a town-hall style engagement. 

The Insuring America Pays Tour gained serious momentum last week when Obama appeared on Oprah and gave her audience “healthcare consolation prizes”, including coupons for 5%-off any Pfizer brand prescription medication, eight-ounce samples of Coppertone Sport SPF 15 sunscreen, and a carton of American Spirits cigarettes.

After yet another thrilling victory by a Pittsburgh sports team, the women of the city are starting to get concerned that they may never get to fully shave off their playoff beards. With the defending Superbowl champs about to start training for yet another season with a championship-caliber roster, their concerns about never being stache-free are more valid than ever.

I know which McDonald’s commercials are targeted towards me, a young, successful Caucasian man edging ever closer to a family life in the suburbs.  I know that commercial about the kids being excited when “dad” cooks because it means that he brings home Chicken McNuggets is teaching me how to be a parent.  The commercials that talk about how kids can get carrots in their happy meal instead of fries is for me, the father of a 3-year-old boy getting ready to go to preschool as I get ready to buy my first house outside the city.  I know that the advertisements about the new line of salads and

Dearest Facebook friends, I love you all. Actually, that’s not true at all. I really only still know about ¾ of you, and I only hang out with about one third of that portion in real life. So when I see on my highlights some of the pages you’re becoming a fan of, I’m beginning to wonder if I would consider any of you my friends in real life anymore. Here are some of the real pages/groups you’ve joined in the last week or so, just to remind you. Weirdos.

If you’re like me, all you want to do is take a good look at your girlfriend’s vagina without some of the terrible consequences. With a flashlight or flood lamp. Because you’re not really sure if she’s got a vagina or Pat Morita between her legs. Let’s face it guys, the vagina is an enigma to us all. Sure, we can consult our old biology textbooks for diagrams and terminology, but as Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell once sang, “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing.”

Raven-Symoné Christina Pearman, known professionally among tweens as Raven-Symoné or Raven, has been charged with vehicular manslaughter following a June 1st arrest in which she struck and killed a pedestrian in Burbank, California. Raven-Symoné maintained her innocence citing that the action was contradictory to her persona or in her words, “so not Raven.”