An Open Letter to: The Person on Milwaukee Avenue that is Trying to Make a Left Turn onto North Avenue

Hi,

First, let me compliment you on your H3. It’s a sweet ride, and it definitely shows you’ve achieved great success in this world. Also, that Bluetooth headset looks expensive. Did you get that at Sharper Image? Anyway, the reason I am writing is because your blatant moving violation really screws with my day, and I need you to change your ways.

The City of Chicago has spent years studying traffic patterns, and they have concluded that attempting a left turn at this intersection has a detrimental impact to the traffic flow. Therefore, they placed several signs that prohibit left turns. In a perfect world, everyone would obey these signs, and traffic would move accordingly.

However, you choose to disregard these signs. I suppose it is possible that you don’t see the signs. You are wearing sunglasses, and it is 9:30 p.m. More than likely, though, you feel that you are above the law. You feel that it is a suggestion, not a law. You feel it is a victimless crime. I am here to tell you there is a victim, and it is usually me.

I regularly drive on Milwaukee. I lack patience when I drive, and I am prone to road rage. Your actions tie up traffic for blocks, and I am usually the caboose of this train. You add unnecessary minutes to my travel time, and that overheats my metaphorical engine.  
  
I shouldn’t single you out, H3 driver. You aren’t the only jagoff that deliberately ignores the law at this intersection. Your car simply stands out the most, and thus you become the target of my frustration.

I want to let you know that I am calling for an uprising. From now on, I will honk unmercifully as long as your blinker flashes. I will implore others to do the same. Hopefully the serenade of car horns will curb your unlawful ways, and order will be restored. If that approach proves unsuccessful, I will rear end you with my Honda Accord and beat you with a tire iron.

Have a nice day!