Sarah Palin Plans Presidential Platform for 2012: Nuclear War Against Planet Pakistan and Dinosaurs as Alterative Energy
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Former vice presidential candidate and current media harlot Sarah Palin is shifting focus from her failed run for the White House to her presidential platform in 2012.
“I’ll tell you what,” said the lovable simpleton, “I don’t need those meanies in McCain’s camp. Todd and I are already assembling our galactic military to go to space and get those stinkin’ terrorists. Or as I call them Extra-terroristrials!”
She then leaned over to the closest reporter and proudly asked, “You get that terrorist quip?”
Palin continued to describe the ways she was going to deploy troops to space to send those “bad eggs” a message “Sarah America style.” She then detailed an aggressive energy strategy that focused mainly on the slaughter and beneficial use of “the mighty Triceratops.”
“As an energy expert,” said Palin, “I happen to know that fossil fuels produced by dinosaurs are they only way to decrease our dependence on foreign oil.”
The governor’s ambitious strategy is hindered by recent allegations regarding her political, global, academic, general and second-grade curriculum knowledge. “Oh, they’re a bunch of boneheads, they are,” said Palin. “I know gosh darn well which countries are in NAFTA! Neptune, Alabama, Finland, Tallahassee and Alberta – I love acronyms! I still had to write it on my hand though, but I’m just a regular, small town America kind of gal. And a wink!”
The garbled amalgam of planets, countries, states and cities did not stop this vibrant go-getter.
Palin’s candidacy for vice president was widely seen as a detriment to the McCain campaign and many Republicans are distancing themselves from her for the sake of their party.
McCain campaign staffer Walter Lawson candidly said, “To tell you the truth, I would rather see Trig Palin running this country than Sarah. Seriously.”
Though even after the intense scrutiny and recent criticism, Palin remains optimistic about her 2012 presidential run and now leaves her future in God’s hands. “I have faith in my Lord and Savior that he will appoint me to lead America during a volatile time of strife, intergalactic warfare and endangered dinosaurs.”
If Palin isn’t elected commander-in-chief in four years, will third time be a charm in 2016? “Heck no, ya dummy!” exclaimed Palin, “The rapture would have definitely come by then.”
