P. Diddy to Unveil the Ultimate Luxury Experience at Obama Inauguration
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Entertainment mogul Sean Combs announces he will unveil his latest sensation as part of his contribution to the Obama inauguration, which reveals what the “P” in P. Diddy stands for. The rapper is touting “The Ultimate Port-o-let Experience" in his latest luxuration, Sean's John. Yes, the mogul famous for such turds as Danity Kane, Lil' Kim, and "Who Wants to be Diddy's Assistant?" has thrown his hat into the highly competitive port-o-let ring.
"Lots of times you at a big party, all dressed in white, and you thinking, I got to get my dump on, but where you gonna go? Bathroom in the house is all jacked up with girls powdering their nose, you know what I'm sayin'." said Combs, famous for his own soirees at this East Hampton estate. "Who want to sit down on a LepreCAN or Oui Oui? Those people got no respect for their product. People want a luxury experience in a portable toilet, and like so many of my other products, people just needed me to put my name on it."
The striking black and gold domes immediately give the sense that Farnsworth Bentley might be lending a hand. This isn't the port-o-let at Lollapalooza. And the logo on the door? "The hip-hop pose of a man, squatting, with his pants around his knees is so iconic. That's hip-hop and of course; that's Biggie. He would have liked this, he dumped like he spit it, you know what I'm sayin'. He'd be inaugurating the first Sean's John if he was here today."
Once inside, the jasmine scented candles set the mood just right for conjuring the spirits; the well-appointed wood and marble finishes are a pleasure to touch, and the sleek lines and use of color signal more than just a modernist movement happening here. And what's this? Not just papiere, this is silk! "You think J. Lo or Beyonce’ git dumpin', they use paper? Those onions insured for hundreds of millions of dollars. People like us use silk, it's the only way." When asked about the exorbitant cost and how Sean's John could meet the needs of the mass port-o-let market, Diddy replied, "A lot of the kids in my garment factory, they go over to the silk factory after they done for the night shift. That silk cheaper to make in China than cotton. And you know, silk is actually the excrement of the silk worm, those kids pulling that shit out of the worms' butts, so I'm thinking that's like, all organic. You know what I'm sayin'." There was no argument here, and the silky toilet seat covers made me wish I had brought a laxative.
"You gonna have people lining up to git dumpin' on Sean's John. Nevermind the bar, you gonna see celebrities holding it all day just so they can say they got on Sean's John. That limp they doin?' That ain't no ballin' injury. Pants down around the knees? That's 'cause everybody wanna git dumpin'!" said the rapper, feeling a beat and making us wonder if the "Get Dumpin'" single could be droppin' before the first load.
No word yet on if Obama will be christening this latest venture. "It's his house; when it's your party, usually you go inside, but I would be so honored." And Mr. Combs is already off to the next product, a take-home version of the bathroom freshener used in Sean's Johns called Aw Da Toilet. "By putting my name on it, I bring air freshener up to a whole new level and up to a new price point, too. You know what I'm sayin
