In This Economy? I Don't Think So!
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Yesterday, my son and I went grocery shopping. I had a list of the essentials with me; just bread, milk, some thin-sliced ham, and a box of generic-brand tampons. While we were walking through the snack aisle on our way to the feminine products, my son picks up a box of Lunchables and asks if he can get some Pizzaz-Pizza or something like that for lunch tomorrow. And I just looked at him, standing there right next to the Lunchables and the brand-name granola bars, and I smacked him so hard across the face that I almost knocked him over.
Lunchables? In this economy? I can barely afford to put the fucking clothes on his back and he asks for some Lunchables? That ungrateful little shit! I can't afford to buy him any of that Old Navy trendy shit, and he thinks I'm going to buy him Lunchables? Do I look like the goddamn Donald Trump of packed lunches? If I bought him these piece of ass Lunchables I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the electric bill next month. But do you think he thought about that before he asked for Pizza-Pizzaz? Hell no. I can't wait until he's a parent and has to choose between Lunchables and keeping his family warm, then he'll understand the dilemma he put me in. Sure, I want to see him happy, but at the same time, I'd be a fucking moron to admit that I raised a child so dumb that he can't even tell the difference between need and want. He's getting some peanut butter and jelly on white bread tomorrow, and if he's lucky I'll cut off the crust.
You should have been there when he asked Santa for an XBox 360. Times like that is why I have to carry around a Nalgene filled to the brim with vodka and Crystal Light.
