Douchebags Sue Hot Chicks
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Douchebag Local Union 847 is suing hotchickswithdouchebags.com after they realized that the website was not glorifying Douchebags, but yet defaming them. Hotchickswithdouchebags.com, which is run by Hot Chicks Local Union 312, has recently had its share of trouble. Initially they were only sued by one Douchebag, but they now deal with the wrath of the entire union. Douchebag Local Union 847 has long been partnered with Hot Chicks since the inception of house music back in the mid-eighties.
“We thought we had a good working relationship with the hot chicks union,” said Douchebag Union president Jay Mariotti. “We had a written agreement that outside the club we’re to be treated like normal civilians." Mariotti also added, “This lawsuit is for all the K-Fed’s around the world.”
Defending Hot Chicks Local 312 is union president Liz Taylor, “The lawsuit is a surprise to us and we are counter suing the Douchebags for unfair treatment.”
The Douchebags union planned a protest outside the Hot Chicks headquarters located in the Playboy building at 680 North Lake Shore Drive. However, they were misled by faulty iPhone typing and ended up at 2525 North Sheffield, which is the office for Playbill, Chicago’s stage magazine.
Until the legal battle is over, Mariotti said no Douchebags are allowed to make puffy lips, hand gestures, cocked heads, or wear crooked hats in any photographs. “It’s going to be tough for us, but we know after we win the Hot Chicks and the general public will realize that Douchebags are not disposable,” said Mariotti.
Non-Douchebag club patrons are mixed about the holdout. Jenny McCarthy from the Beverly Hills neighborhood was happy. “It’s nice to go to the club with friends and look at photos afterwards and not see any Douchebags trying to sneak into the picture or put their arms around you.” Trixie Adams from Lakeview disagrees, “I don’t feel like I had a good night out unless I have a picture with a Douchebag. What’s the alternative, Meatheads flexing? I don’t think so.”
Douchebags complain that the Hot Chicks are taking advantage of the system and getting too many drinks with no consequences. “The Hot Chicks are bought drinks all night and then disappear into cabs when we Douchebags go to the bathroom to fix our hair or do pushups,” said Mariotti. Hot Chicks argue that the drinks are offered to them and they should not be liable to reciprocate. Both unions are holding meetings behind closed doors hoping to come to an agreement before the lawsuit goes to court.
One of the issues on the table is the amount of drinks a Douchebag has to buy a Hot Chick to get her to go home with him to his parent’s house. Douchebags are arguing that five drinks are more than adequate. On the other side of the table, Hot Chicks are demanding that all Douchebags must give adequate warnings of any head cocking and hand gestures. “A lot of the girls have been headbutted resulting in concussions and poked in the eye from Douchebags,” said Taylor.
Negotiations between the two unions are expected to continue until mid-December when Abercrombie and Fitch's final Christmas catalog hits the market.
